We were finally settling into the new apartment and Armanno was so proud of his room. Every time someone came over it was the first place they would end up. Armanno in a very excited voice jumping up and down would say "come see my rum", " come see my rum". Once they agreed to go to his room, he would do this really funny low based stuttering laugh. It was so funny to see his reactions as people came to visit.
Armanno was transitioning well and his behaviors were slightly declining now that he had his dad back. But there was still the "burning question" in the back of my head. Does he have Aspergers? I had been in contact with the IWK and things were moving, but not fast enough. We were looking at another 5 to 6 months for the diagnosis.
Knowing that early intervention is huge with Autism, I worried we were waisting time! That's when I started looking into our health insurance. We were entitled to coverage for a psychologist. We had to pay upfront and be reimbursed. It would be worth it, with a diagnosis I could get Armanno the resources he needed. So we made the decision to seek out a child psychologist to do an assessment for autism. We were given a name, so I read up on her and set up an appointment. We got in pretty quickly and could have the assessment done and over within a months time. The assessment started the same way as the IWK, filling out a tremendous amount of papers.
The first appointment with the psychologist came after they received all of the completed papers. This was the parent interview, which Armanno was present for. This lasted about 2 hours and Armanno was considerably well behaved. Although he was exhibiting some of his behaviors. I was hoping the psychologist would pick up on them.
Our second appointment was strictly focused on Armanno. She was looking at things like his social interactions, his interactive play, his ability to focus, his cognitive development, etc. This lasted about 2 hrs, we would go back sometime after that for our results/feedback!
I went home still worrying, did she get enough from him in our appointment? Did she pick up on what I was picking up on? Was the assessment thorough enough? Well I guess I would know soon enough!
It was November 9th, the big day, I was going to my feedback appointment. I left the boys at home with my sister and went on my own. Julio was a day away from coming home. He had been on selection for military special forces the week leading up to this point.
I got to the psychologists office and was a bit nervous. I kept thinking where am I going to go from here if she tells me Armanno is a normally developing child. Well needless to say I didn't have to be worrying about that.
I know some of you are asking, why on earth would she be worried about being told her child was normally developing? Well I needed answers, I was afraid the signs would be overlooked. I was afraid he would go undiagnosed and not be provided the resources that come with diagnosis. I was afraid other people wouldn't pick up on it until he was in school. He would spiral out of control and it would be much more difficult to handle at that point.
So the moment arrived she called my name and I prepared for the news. She went through all the different sections, saying that he had rated high on oppositional behavior, had issues with focus, did not interact socially as a normally developing child did. She continued with the fact that there is a good possibility he has ADHD but was a little too young to diagnose. And then the big one Autism, my ears were wide open. She said I have diagnosed Armanno with Autism specifically Aspergers. Aspergers is a high functioning form of Autism Spectrum Disorder. I stared at her and said ok and then started crying. She handed me a tissue and I said, I don't know why I'm crying, I knew all along. Apparently hearing it from a professional who is qualified to diagnose is a lot different then self- diagnosis. It was real now, but it was a type of relief for me. I could now seek the right kind of help for him.
She finished up by saving the best for last. Armanno scored high on cognitive development. For his overall cognitive skills he scored in the 90th pecentile at a 4yr olds level. At the time of assessment Armanno was 3yrs and 3 mths. His verbal skills were in the 90th pecentile, equivalent to a 4 yr 1 mth old. In performance skills he was in the 79th percentile at a 3yr 7mth olds level. But the score that blew me out of the water was his language score! He is in the 99th percentile for his language that is equivalent to a 4 yr 9 month old. No wonder we were shocked at some of the things that came out of his mouth. He was like a little 5 yr old in a 3 yr olds body.
We always knew Armanno was a smart boy and I've always been proud of him, this was just a little added bonus. Now we just had to work on his behaviors so he could be the best he could be.
In the end she asked me what I was expecting to hear from her? I said "to be honest I thought you were going to tell me he was perfectly normal". I told her that I had said to my sister on the way out, "if she tells me he is perfectly normal I'm going to have to go for an assessment because I must be crazy! Well turns out I'm not crazy, at least not when it comes to knowing my own child!
Saturday, 26 January 2013
Tuesday, 22 January 2013
The Big Move
The summer was coming to an end and we were trying to hang in there. August went by with little interest in the house. September came and still no offers. We were getting discouraged but at least we had the move to look forward to.
A couple of weeks into September we went on our apt hunting trip. We ended up finding a great 3 bedroom just 15 mins into Halifax. I was so excited for Armanno to see the new place. He was going to have a nice big bedroom and a park just a walk away.
It was during that trip I got called for an interview. The interview was for a youth home, not far from the apartment we wanted. I ended up getting the job, now all we needed was the apartment. Within a few days we found out the apartment was ours starting October 1st, 2012. Things were finally falling into place and we were making the big move.
The packers came a few days prior of moving to pack the whole house for us,one of the perks of being military. Armanno was excited to move to Halifax since we had lots of family there. What he wasn't excited about was having strange people in our house. They were there to pack but he didn't see it like that. He was very stern towards them and was accusing them of making a mess and breaking stuff.
After everything was cleared out we took the boys back to the house for one last walk through. Armanno started running around in a panic, breathing heavily in shock. He was going from room to room asking where furniture was. What happened to the couch, where's the tv, they ruined Emilio's room! His reaction was kind of funny, but it was sad at the same time. This is what he knew for the last 3 years, it was a big change for him.
The next four days were hectic and stressful. We spent those days in small hotel rooms with the boys. Of course it had too rain the whole move. Either Julio or I had to stay back at the house with the packers. This meant one of us would be with the kids stuck in a hotel room since it was raining. I didn't want to stay with the packers, in hindsight, maybe I should have. The commotion of the move was already starting to have an affect on Armanno. Being in the hotel room proved to be a lot tougher than I had imagined. Armanno was non- stop at Emilio, which turned into non-stop redirection and time-outs. It was a long day and we still had 3 more to go. I would be thankful when it was all over.
The week of our move was long and exhausting and we still had a ton of work to do. We now had to fit a big house into a much smaller apartment. Nonetheless we were excited and happy and so was Armanno, he loved his new room. We were able to go at the apartment non-stop, that way the transition for the boys would be easier. It was very tiring but well worth it, Armanno was doing awesome with the move. I think we were all happy to be out of the hotel rooms. Still from time to time when we drive by the hotel Armanno will say "oh there is our old home".
A couple of weeks into September we went on our apt hunting trip. We ended up finding a great 3 bedroom just 15 mins into Halifax. I was so excited for Armanno to see the new place. He was going to have a nice big bedroom and a park just a walk away.
It was during that trip I got called for an interview. The interview was for a youth home, not far from the apartment we wanted. I ended up getting the job, now all we needed was the apartment. Within a few days we found out the apartment was ours starting October 1st, 2012. Things were finally falling into place and we were making the big move.
The packers came a few days prior of moving to pack the whole house for us,one of the perks of being military. Armanno was excited to move to Halifax since we had lots of family there. What he wasn't excited about was having strange people in our house. They were there to pack but he didn't see it like that. He was very stern towards them and was accusing them of making a mess and breaking stuff.
After everything was cleared out we took the boys back to the house for one last walk through. Armanno started running around in a panic, breathing heavily in shock. He was going from room to room asking where furniture was. What happened to the couch, where's the tv, they ruined Emilio's room! His reaction was kind of funny, but it was sad at the same time. This is what he knew for the last 3 years, it was a big change for him.
The next four days were hectic and stressful. We spent those days in small hotel rooms with the boys. Of course it had too rain the whole move. Either Julio or I had to stay back at the house with the packers. This meant one of us would be with the kids stuck in a hotel room since it was raining. I didn't want to stay with the packers, in hindsight, maybe I should have. The commotion of the move was already starting to have an affect on Armanno. Being in the hotel room proved to be a lot tougher than I had imagined. Armanno was non- stop at Emilio, which turned into non-stop redirection and time-outs. It was a long day and we still had 3 more to go. I would be thankful when it was all over.
The week of our move was long and exhausting and we still had a ton of work to do. We now had to fit a big house into a much smaller apartment. Nonetheless we were excited and happy and so was Armanno, he loved his new room. We were able to go at the apartment non-stop, that way the transition for the boys would be easier. It was very tiring but well worth it, Armanno was doing awesome with the move. I think we were all happy to be out of the hotel rooms. Still from time to time when we drive by the hotel Armanno will say "oh there is our old home".
Thursday, 10 January 2013
Armanno turn 3
Armanno's 3rd birthday was approaching quickly. I had a great idea this year or so I thought! Armanno loved loved loved Toopy and Binoo. For those who aren't familiar with this cartoon, it's the one with the gray mouse "Toopy" and his little friend Binoo. This cartoon was the worse cartoon ever. It had no educational value whatsoever, well maybe it was good for promoting imagination, I'll give it that. Anyways point being, I decided to make him home-made Toopy & Binoo dolls. I was so excited, he was going to love them. I went out and picked up all the supplies which cost about 40 bucks.
I procrastinated making it, I do that with a lot of things. But none the less a few days prior to the big day, I started making this doll from scratch. I guess I had under estimated the time it took to pull off this project. I found myself getting closer to his birthday and scrambling to get it finished. I wanted it to be perfect for him. By the end of it I had my husband and his friend working on it with me. I even ended up missing the first 30 mins of his birthday party trying to put the finishing touches on it.
So the moment arrived and I had Toopy all ready to go in a gift bag. I wasn't able to get Binoo finished. I handed it over to Armanno to open, preparing myself for his intense excitement over Toopy. Well Armanno opened that bag with a bit of hesitation and a very serious face. He pulled Toopy the mouse out and stared at it with a straight face and said nothing at all. No expression, no excitement, no words. I said "Armanno", in a very excited voice, " who is it?". He replied "Mousie?" I said " no it's Toppy". Armanno gave me a quiet "oh" and put it back in the bag.
All the anxiety of getting this doll perfected and finished and that was the reaction I got! Well that's the last time I make something so special! But it wasn't just me, everyone had gotten him all these cool gifts and he was expressionless to them all. Except these two gifts in particular. One was a very simple small army tank that drove on its own and silly putty. He went nuts over the silly putty. He was so excited, jumping up and down like he had won the lottery. It was at that point I realized I didn't need to waste my money on gifts for Armanno I could just give him silly putty!
The 5 months leading up to Armanno's birthday without Julio seemed to go by fast. Although it went by quick I was exhausted and both Julio and I were really missing being together as a family. Armanno was also not dealing with it very well. He was mad at Julio, he didn't understand why Dad was barely ever around. Armanno wouldn't talk to Julio on the phone and wouldn't do FaceTime with him. He kept saying, I don't like dad. Julio knew it was just Armanno's way of dealing with the fact that he missed his Dad, but it was still heartbreaking. We both came to the realization that we were not going to be able to continue being apart for much longer. I needed Julio's help with Armanno and more importantly Armanno needed his dad back. We decided if we didn't sell the house by sept we would pack everything up and find an apartment in Halifax. So that's what we ended up having to do!
I procrastinated making it, I do that with a lot of things. But none the less a few days prior to the big day, I started making this doll from scratch. I guess I had under estimated the time it took to pull off this project. I found myself getting closer to his birthday and scrambling to get it finished. I wanted it to be perfect for him. By the end of it I had my husband and his friend working on it with me. I even ended up missing the first 30 mins of his birthday party trying to put the finishing touches on it.
So the moment arrived and I had Toopy all ready to go in a gift bag. I wasn't able to get Binoo finished. I handed it over to Armanno to open, preparing myself for his intense excitement over Toopy. Well Armanno opened that bag with a bit of hesitation and a very serious face. He pulled Toopy the mouse out and stared at it with a straight face and said nothing at all. No expression, no excitement, no words. I said "Armanno", in a very excited voice, " who is it?". He replied "Mousie?" I said " no it's Toppy". Armanno gave me a quiet "oh" and put it back in the bag. All the anxiety of getting this doll perfected and finished and that was the reaction I got! Well that's the last time I make something so special! But it wasn't just me, everyone had gotten him all these cool gifts and he was expressionless to them all. Except these two gifts in particular. One was a very simple small army tank that drove on its own and silly putty. He went nuts over the silly putty. He was so excited, jumping up and down like he had won the lottery. It was at that point I realized I didn't need to waste my money on gifts for Armanno I could just give him silly putty!
The 5 months leading up to Armanno's birthday without Julio seemed to go by fast. Although it went by quick I was exhausted and both Julio and I were really missing being together as a family. Armanno was also not dealing with it very well. He was mad at Julio, he didn't understand why Dad was barely ever around. Armanno wouldn't talk to Julio on the phone and wouldn't do FaceTime with him. He kept saying, I don't like dad. Julio knew it was just Armanno's way of dealing with the fact that he missed his Dad, but it was still heartbreaking. We both came to the realization that we were not going to be able to continue being apart for much longer. I needed Julio's help with Armanno and more importantly Armanno needed his dad back. We decided if we didn't sell the house by sept we would pack everything up and find an apartment in Halifax. So that's what we ended up having to do!
Friday, 28 December 2012
Obsessed
As the summer went by some of Armanno's behaviors started improving. I wasn't sure if it was due to the work I was putting in or the fact that he was maturing with age. Regardless I was hopeful, maybe the others were right maybe he was just an active boy. Maybe I wasn't using the right discipline techniques before or maybe I wasn't consistent enough, maybe it was just me! I kept going back and forth, it was eating me up. I just didn't know anymore.
Although some of Armanno's behaviors were improving the major issues were still there! His behaviors at the park were improving. Before every visit to the park, we would go over the rules. We went over them so many times he knew them off by heart, no hugging, no kissing, no hitting and no throwing rocks! For the most part he was doing much better, sometimes he just couldn't resist but he was trying. At least he stopped trying to run. Instead of playing on the jungle gym he would just try to escape to the parking lot or the basketball court, so I would be constantly chasing him. Now he was playing within his set out boundaries. Even though he still wasn't playing on the jungle gym, he would at least go down the slide here and there but mostly just played in the dirt and rocks. It was a start that I was very pleased with. Also our transitions became a lot easier. I would give him a 10 min count down 10, 8, 5, you only have a few more minutes! And then finally it would be Armanno it's time to go. Would you like to walk across the parking lot with me or would you like to get in the stroller? Giving him a choice was key to preventing a meltdown. 6 times out of 10 he would choose to walk the parking lot. 2 times out of 10 it was the stroller. The other 2 he would throw a tantrum and I would have to pick him off the ground kicking, screaming, and biting, strap him in the stroller and go! This was a huge improvement to the his previous transitions from park to home, which 8 times out of 10 would end in a tantrum.
His listening had improved greatly thanks to 123 magic. But all of his other behaviors were still there and not diminishing at all. It was a constant battle to keep his hands off of his brother. Not only his hands, he would rub his mouth and face on him, his feet in his face and would roll on him any chance he got.
His obsessing wasn't slowing down. He would obsess about food, he would have a full breakfast and ask, plead and cry for a snack for 2 hours until snack time. He would get snack and want more, he would eat a full lunch and want a snack immediately afterwards. He would whine and cry over snack throughout the whole day. It wasn't like I was starving him he had more than enough to eat for meals and snacks. I didn't know how to deal with this behavior other than to ignore his constant requests for snack. The odd time I would give in just for a few minutes of peace while he chewed his food. One time when he was 2 we treated him to fruit juice freezie's! Never again! he cried for those freezie's minimum of 30 x a day for a month after they were gone. We would even show him the freezer and say, see there are no freezie's left. It didn't make a difference it took a month before he finally gave up and the word freezie was banned in our house. He obsessed over certain pieces of clothing that he wanted to wear all the time. For 6 months straight it was his green pajama pants. If they were dirty he would cry and whine about them until they were clean. He didn't want to wear clothes just his green pants and he couldn't wear a shirt with these pants. One day I fought with him and forced him to wear a shirt because it was freezing in the house. He was crying and I said why is it that you can't wear this shirt with your green pants? His answer in a shaky crying voice was, because it doesn't match my green pants! The funny thing is he was right. Needless to say he was bare chested within minutes of me forcing the shirt on him, I gave up. Was he really going to freeze to death? No! Who was it hurting? No one! Did it make him happy? Beyond, lots of jumping and flapping of his hands when he got to wear his green pants with no shirt.
He obsessed over inanimate objects, things with no purpose or function. Things like small pieces of paper, pieces of plastic that were broken off of things, little plastic balls out of a broken toy that he kept finding in the yard, rocks, etc. He wouldn't be able to sleep if he didn't have them in his bed with him.
His unorganized hyperness & loudness. Armanno would just run around screaming and repeating things over and over and grabbing and touching things along the way. Often times knocking things over, making a mess and having no regard for stuff in his way. It was near impossible to calm him down. His worse accessory was blankets. He would roll around in blankets, knocking stuff over most times it was his brother on the receiving end. He would try to put the blanket over Emilio and roll around on him or push the blanket into Emilio's face! Obviously this was dangerous behavior and warranted time outs. often times I had to remove the blanket all together, but this was one of the items he obsessed about. I would give him time-outs from the blanket for periods of time and he would get it back. But knew he would lose it if he was being inappropriate with it.
Inappropriate became part of Armanno's vocabulary quite young. I would never say he was being bad or what you did was bad. It was always, that's inappropriate or your behavior is inappropriate. It's sounds funny coming out of a little boys mouth but I never want him to feel like the things he is doing are bad or be labeled as a bad kid. He didn't have the ability to control this stuff he was only 2!
It now became a waiting game to set my my mind at ease to wether or not Armanno had Aspergers. We were on the wait list at the IWK for an assessment but it wasn't guaranteed that we would even get in. How it works is you fill out a ton of papers and from those papers they determine wether they believe he fits the criteria for Autism. If they do he would get in for an assessment free of charge. I didn't totally agree with it, what if Armanno's behaviors get overlooked? There were a lot of criteria he didn't fit into! I considered Armanno's behaviors to be mild when considering a diagnosis of Autism. Were his behaviors enough to get a diagnosis? If we did get in for an assessment Would he exhibit these behaviors during the meeting? Oh no I was starting to obsess, I became consumed by thoughts and research of aspergers on the Internet. Nothing was cut and dry and it was becoming harder to deal with the situation at hand. Would I obsess for the next year waiting to get into the IWK?
Although some of Armanno's behaviors were improving the major issues were still there! His behaviors at the park were improving. Before every visit to the park, we would go over the rules. We went over them so many times he knew them off by heart, no hugging, no kissing, no hitting and no throwing rocks! For the most part he was doing much better, sometimes he just couldn't resist but he was trying. At least he stopped trying to run. Instead of playing on the jungle gym he would just try to escape to the parking lot or the basketball court, so I would be constantly chasing him. Now he was playing within his set out boundaries. Even though he still wasn't playing on the jungle gym, he would at least go down the slide here and there but mostly just played in the dirt and rocks. It was a start that I was very pleased with. Also our transitions became a lot easier. I would give him a 10 min count down 10, 8, 5, you only have a few more minutes! And then finally it would be Armanno it's time to go. Would you like to walk across the parking lot with me or would you like to get in the stroller? Giving him a choice was key to preventing a meltdown. 6 times out of 10 he would choose to walk the parking lot. 2 times out of 10 it was the stroller. The other 2 he would throw a tantrum and I would have to pick him off the ground kicking, screaming, and biting, strap him in the stroller and go! This was a huge improvement to the his previous transitions from park to home, which 8 times out of 10 would end in a tantrum.
His listening had improved greatly thanks to 123 magic. But all of his other behaviors were still there and not diminishing at all. It was a constant battle to keep his hands off of his brother. Not only his hands, he would rub his mouth and face on him, his feet in his face and would roll on him any chance he got.
His obsessing wasn't slowing down. He would obsess about food, he would have a full breakfast and ask, plead and cry for a snack for 2 hours until snack time. He would get snack and want more, he would eat a full lunch and want a snack immediately afterwards. He would whine and cry over snack throughout the whole day. It wasn't like I was starving him he had more than enough to eat for meals and snacks. I didn't know how to deal with this behavior other than to ignore his constant requests for snack. The odd time I would give in just for a few minutes of peace while he chewed his food. One time when he was 2 we treated him to fruit juice freezie's! Never again! he cried for those freezie's minimum of 30 x a day for a month after they were gone. We would even show him the freezer and say, see there are no freezie's left. It didn't make a difference it took a month before he finally gave up and the word freezie was banned in our house. He obsessed over certain pieces of clothing that he wanted to wear all the time. For 6 months straight it was his green pajama pants. If they were dirty he would cry and whine about them until they were clean. He didn't want to wear clothes just his green pants and he couldn't wear a shirt with these pants. One day I fought with him and forced him to wear a shirt because it was freezing in the house. He was crying and I said why is it that you can't wear this shirt with your green pants? His answer in a shaky crying voice was, because it doesn't match my green pants! The funny thing is he was right. Needless to say he was bare chested within minutes of me forcing the shirt on him, I gave up. Was he really going to freeze to death? No! Who was it hurting? No one! Did it make him happy? Beyond, lots of jumping and flapping of his hands when he got to wear his green pants with no shirt.
He obsessed over inanimate objects, things with no purpose or function. Things like small pieces of paper, pieces of plastic that were broken off of things, little plastic balls out of a broken toy that he kept finding in the yard, rocks, etc. He wouldn't be able to sleep if he didn't have them in his bed with him.
His unorganized hyperness & loudness. Armanno would just run around screaming and repeating things over and over and grabbing and touching things along the way. Often times knocking things over, making a mess and having no regard for stuff in his way. It was near impossible to calm him down. His worse accessory was blankets. He would roll around in blankets, knocking stuff over most times it was his brother on the receiving end. He would try to put the blanket over Emilio and roll around on him or push the blanket into Emilio's face! Obviously this was dangerous behavior and warranted time outs. often times I had to remove the blanket all together, but this was one of the items he obsessed about. I would give him time-outs from the blanket for periods of time and he would get it back. But knew he would lose it if he was being inappropriate with it.
Inappropriate became part of Armanno's vocabulary quite young. I would never say he was being bad or what you did was bad. It was always, that's inappropriate or your behavior is inappropriate. It's sounds funny coming out of a little boys mouth but I never want him to feel like the things he is doing are bad or be labeled as a bad kid. He didn't have the ability to control this stuff he was only 2!
It now became a waiting game to set my my mind at ease to wether or not Armanno had Aspergers. We were on the wait list at the IWK for an assessment but it wasn't guaranteed that we would even get in. How it works is you fill out a ton of papers and from those papers they determine wether they believe he fits the criteria for Autism. If they do he would get in for an assessment free of charge. I didn't totally agree with it, what if Armanno's behaviors get overlooked? There were a lot of criteria he didn't fit into! I considered Armanno's behaviors to be mild when considering a diagnosis of Autism. Were his behaviors enough to get a diagnosis? If we did get in for an assessment Would he exhibit these behaviors during the meeting? Oh no I was starting to obsess, I became consumed by thoughts and research of aspergers on the Internet. Nothing was cut and dry and it was becoming harder to deal with the situation at hand. Would I obsess for the next year waiting to get into the IWK?
Saturday, 15 December 2012
Intervention
We started with valley child development sometime around February of 2012 and they were great! Armanno looked forward to these visits, which were in the beginning every 2 weeks. Our behavioral interventionist would come with a huge duffel bag filled with educational games and toys to use with Armanno. She would get him to sit on a special mat while they worked on puzzles, colours, shapes, emotions and all kinds of other cool teaching tools.
After each appointment she would write notes down and we would talk a bit about ways to work on Armanno's behavior, she would always say he did really well but didn't really talk about what could be going on with him. In the beginning I was a bit disappointed because I still wasn't getting the answers I was looking for but that's not what child development does. But as time went on things were being said that I wasn't fully understanding. Our behavioral interventionist was telling me that there were some red flags and some behaviors on the spectrum.
Although I had a degree in psychology and worked with youth, spectrum was a new word as far as behaviors went and I didn't think to connect it with autism. I did not learn about Autism in school and now I'm wondering why? Autism statistics from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) identify around 1 in 88 children are diagnosed with autism! Why did I spend 4 yrs studying psychology and not once come across Autism?
Getting sidetracked but I started researching Armanno's behaviors and came across Aspergers! It was a bit sobering as I went down the "checklist" yup, yup, yup, no, no, oh yeah! Even though he did have quite a few of the behaviors there were lots he didn't have. What I later discovered was that no two kids with aspergers were the same, they may share some common behaviors but not all. That's why it's considered a spectrum disorder, there are a wide array of behaviors that a child with aspergers may or may not exhibit and these behaviors are unique to that child.
For Armanno it was his lack of appropriate social interaction, acting as if he doesn't hear you, obsessing, constant sensory seeking, his zoning, his toe walking and hand flapping and other self stimulating behaviors, his lack of emotion at pivotal times, his unconventional ways of playing with toys. I'm sure I'm leaving some out but for me these were the sobering behaviors that matched the checklist.
The more I researched the more I was convinced, I remember getting to the point of calling my husband crying to him that I was convinced Armanno had Aspergers. I remember our behavioral interventionist asking me what I thought was going on with Armanno and if I had been looking into anything? I felt kind of silly saying it because people had me second guessing myself, but I told her that I have been looking into aspergers and Armanno really seems to fit the criteria. Now I knew she was not allowed to give her opinion on it so I wasn't expecting a whole lot back but I remember her saying "oh yeah, my niece has aspergers" and she told me a few of her symptoms, almost comparing Armanno, wether or not she was actually doing this, I ran with it, I was now determined to get answers!
After each appointment she would write notes down and we would talk a bit about ways to work on Armanno's behavior, she would always say he did really well but didn't really talk about what could be going on with him. In the beginning I was a bit disappointed because I still wasn't getting the answers I was looking for but that's not what child development does. But as time went on things were being said that I wasn't fully understanding. Our behavioral interventionist was telling me that there were some red flags and some behaviors on the spectrum.
Although I had a degree in psychology and worked with youth, spectrum was a new word as far as behaviors went and I didn't think to connect it with autism. I did not learn about Autism in school and now I'm wondering why? Autism statistics from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) identify around 1 in 88 children are diagnosed with autism! Why did I spend 4 yrs studying psychology and not once come across Autism?
Getting sidetracked but I started researching Armanno's behaviors and came across Aspergers! It was a bit sobering as I went down the "checklist" yup, yup, yup, no, no, oh yeah! Even though he did have quite a few of the behaviors there were lots he didn't have. What I later discovered was that no two kids with aspergers were the same, they may share some common behaviors but not all. That's why it's considered a spectrum disorder, there are a wide array of behaviors that a child with aspergers may or may not exhibit and these behaviors are unique to that child.
For Armanno it was his lack of appropriate social interaction, acting as if he doesn't hear you, obsessing, constant sensory seeking, his zoning, his toe walking and hand flapping and other self stimulating behaviors, his lack of emotion at pivotal times, his unconventional ways of playing with toys. I'm sure I'm leaving some out but for me these were the sobering behaviors that matched the checklist.
The more I researched the more I was convinced, I remember getting to the point of calling my husband crying to him that I was convinced Armanno had Aspergers. I remember our behavioral interventionist asking me what I thought was going on with Armanno and if I had been looking into anything? I felt kind of silly saying it because people had me second guessing myself, but I told her that I have been looking into aspergers and Armanno really seems to fit the criteria. Now I knew she was not allowed to give her opinion on it so I wasn't expecting a whole lot back but I remember her saying "oh yeah, my niece has aspergers" and she told me a few of her symptoms, almost comparing Armanno, wether or not she was actually doing this, I ran with it, I was now determined to get answers!
Saturday, 8 December 2012
Professional Help
I continued with the playgroups hoping that Armanno would improve as he got used to his dad being away, but his behaviors only worsened. Armanno kept getting in trouble at playgroups and became more aggressive towards Emilio hitting, pinching, pulling his hair and biting seemed to become the norm. Even his time outs became aggressive, every time he hurt the baby he would go in a time out. I reserved the bottom step on our stairs for Armanno and the paint wore quickly, you can imagine how many time-outs he was getting during this period. It was obvious he didn't like the consequence, he would kick he would scream, he even started biting himself, pinching himself, throwing stuff, but yet the behavior wasn't changing! What else could I do? I was being consistent with the time-outs, I was doing them properly after all I watched supernanny do them in over 15 different episodes, it worked for the other parents!
I needed the supernanny but the closest I could get was the public health nurse! I was willing to accept any help at this point, I was over my head with no techniques.
I called my local public health and said I need help with my 2yr old, his behaviors are out of control and I don't know how to deal. The public health nurse was great she came to our house and brought me lots of information on typical terrible 2 behaviors which was great a lot did apply to him, like not listening! I could talk to Armanno until I was blue in the face, he only responded on his terms. I could ask him to pick something up 20 times in different tones and volumes and got nothing! As you can imagine frustration was at an all time high and physically intervening was the only thing that worked. For this she told me about the "1, 2, 3 magic", 1 Armanno I'm asking you to come here, 2 if you don't come here I'm coming over taking you by the hand and bringing you here, 3 I'm off my but and coming for you! "Magic"you can say that again, he responded to it! I only had to get to 2 I was amazed, it became my new best friend! The only drawback was I was using it constantly and that is a lot to say in one breathe to get him responding to the simplest of requests!
To deal with keeping hands off little bro she suggested putting Emilio in a backpack for 3 days or so and keep him on me at all times until Armanno gets used to not being able to put his hands on him! My first question was, seriously? My second was, how is that going to teach Armanno to interact with his brother properly? And my third question was, is she crazy? It didn't happen, I didn't see how it could work for Armanno or for me.
As for the problem with his aggressive time-outs this could be met with switching to time-ins, where you sat with them and talked about the behaviors, made sense until I tried it. I was on the receiving end of his aggressive behaviors during time-ins because they were still happening he was now kicking, punching, pinching, and biting me. Her last suggestion which proved to be the best, was to call Valley Child Development and do a self referral to get help and look into getting a developmental assessment.
There was one thing she kept saying to me which deeply affected my heart and it was "Armanno is dealing with some serious issues right now and you need to get help for him." This saddened me, he was 2yrs old he should be filled with joy, fun, and silliness, don't get me wrong Armanno did engage in these things but 80% of his day was discipline! The public health nurse put a much more serious tone on his behaviors opposed to the "terrible 2's" and "he's just a boy" label I was getting from everyone else. I now knew it was time to stop blaming his age and seek professional help!
To deal with keeping hands off little bro she suggested putting Emilio in a backpack for 3 days or so and keep him on me at all times until Armanno gets used to not being able to put his hands on him! My first question was, seriously? My second was, how is that going to teach Armanno to interact with his brother properly? And my third question was, is she crazy? It didn't happen, I didn't see how it could work for Armanno or for me.
As for the problem with his aggressive time-outs this could be met with switching to time-ins, where you sat with them and talked about the behaviors, made sense until I tried it. I was on the receiving end of his aggressive behaviors during time-ins because they were still happening he was now kicking, punching, pinching, and biting me. Her last suggestion which proved to be the best, was to call Valley Child Development and do a self referral to get help and look into getting a developmental assessment.
There was one thing she kept saying to me which deeply affected my heart and it was "Armanno is dealing with some serious issues right now and you need to get help for him." This saddened me, he was 2yrs old he should be filled with joy, fun, and silliness, don't get me wrong Armanno did engage in these things but 80% of his day was discipline! The public health nurse put a much more serious tone on his behaviors opposed to the "terrible 2's" and "he's just a boy" label I was getting from everyone else. I now knew it was time to stop blaming his age and seek professional help!
Wednesday, 5 December 2012
Big Changes- Armanno welcomes Emilio!
The morning of Sept.8th we started the induction process, Emilio was coming 2 weeks early just like his big brother because of me being a diabetic. Delivery went much more smoothly the second time around, more painful since I experienced back labour with Emilio but at least it wasn't as serious as the preeclampsia I had with Armanno.
We had Emilio late that night while Armanno was fast asleep at his grandmother's. The next day Armanno was due in for his very first visit, I had mixed emotions. I was so excited for Armanno to meet his new brother but it saddened me to think about Armanno seeing his mommy holding this new baby after already being away from me for almost 2 days. I think Armanno may have handled it better than I did, he was quiet but interested in the baby. All of our family made sure to give him lots of attention when the baby was around which really helped him adjust. Armanno got to hold his little brother and gave him a big kiss. He seemed to be really into this whole brother thing, this may not be as difficult as I had imagined.
We were back home within a few days and the next couple of weeks were great, I was pleasantly surprised that Armanno showed some interest in the baby but not too much. Armanno just did his own thing, but then he became comfortable and how I originally imagined it, became reality but to a much more difficult extent. He started smothering the baby with his hugs and kisses like he did with the kids at the park, the only difference was Emilio was totally defenseless.
His attention to the baby became more and more frequent and my ability to get anything done became impossible! I couldn't put Emilio down because Armanno would be on him right away. These behaviors were equivalent to spending the whole day at the park pulling Armanno off of kids except more extreme since Emilio was brand new. The intensity of emotions I was feeling because of this were overwhelming, I didn't know how to deal with all of it. So I tried my best with constant reminders for Armanno and found myself crying almost everyday! Maybe I wasn't cut out for this! I knew raising two kids compared to one was a lot harder but no one said it was this difficult.
I tried to stay strong but it wasn't easy, I was exhausted with no family around just me by myself in a small town with a handful of friends dealing with their own lives. Of course my husband Julianno was a huge help when he wasn't working but he worked full-time and extended hours somedays.
I had to motivate myself, I couldn't let a difficult task bring me down after all these were my children and I needed to be the best mom I could be for them, I tried to be positive and deal with these behaviors the best I knew how. I tried to live a more structured life with some sort of routine that would help pass the day by and keep Armanno occupied.
I started taking an extra long route to the park! I wrapped the baby on my front and pushed Armanno in the stroller and walked everyday I could. Armanno loved the stroller and the park so it really broke up our day and helped me to stay positive. Then everything changed, time went by and Emilio was now 5 months and Julianno applied for a job in the city, which was great because it meant being closer to family and a better job within the military for our family. The only drawback was I would stay behind with the kids until we sold the house, at the time we thought it wouldn't take long, a few months at the most. I can do this I thought, I just have to mentally prepare myself and stay busy. Military wives do this all the time, I certainly wouldn't be the first and besides I had to count myself lucky, at least my husband wasn't off to war! he was going to be home every other weekend if not every weekend he wasn't working.
I started back to playgroups and I was able to do programs at my local resource centre where I could send Armanno upstairs to child care which I called playgroup he looked forward to playgroup and it was a much needed break for me and the baby. Time went on and so did his behaviors, just when I thought it couldn't get much more difficult than this, it did. The child care, "playgroup for Armanno", which was supposed to be a break for me became a source of stress. Armanno's behaviors began extending into the child care and each time I went upstairs to get him I would be faced with the offside "talks" from the teachers, while all the other moms went on their ways without any issues! I attributed it to the fact that his dad was away and he wasn't dealing so well. I'm not sure they were convinced or maybe they could pick up on the fact that I myself wasn't convinced this was the problem, sure it added to it but there had to be more to this!
We had Emilio late that night while Armanno was fast asleep at his grandmother's. The next day Armanno was due in for his very first visit, I had mixed emotions. I was so excited for Armanno to meet his new brother but it saddened me to think about Armanno seeing his mommy holding this new baby after already being away from me for almost 2 days. I think Armanno may have handled it better than I did, he was quiet but interested in the baby. All of our family made sure to give him lots of attention when the baby was around which really helped him adjust. Armanno got to hold his little brother and gave him a big kiss. He seemed to be really into this whole brother thing, this may not be as difficult as I had imagined. We were back home within a few days and the next couple of weeks were great, I was pleasantly surprised that Armanno showed some interest in the baby but not too much. Armanno just did his own thing, but then he became comfortable and how I originally imagined it, became reality but to a much more difficult extent. He started smothering the baby with his hugs and kisses like he did with the kids at the park, the only difference was Emilio was totally defenseless.
His attention to the baby became more and more frequent and my ability to get anything done became impossible! I couldn't put Emilio down because Armanno would be on him right away. These behaviors were equivalent to spending the whole day at the park pulling Armanno off of kids except more extreme since Emilio was brand new. The intensity of emotions I was feeling because of this were overwhelming, I didn't know how to deal with all of it. So I tried my best with constant reminders for Armanno and found myself crying almost everyday! Maybe I wasn't cut out for this! I knew raising two kids compared to one was a lot harder but no one said it was this difficult.
I tried to stay strong but it wasn't easy, I was exhausted with no family around just me by myself in a small town with a handful of friends dealing with their own lives. Of course my husband Julianno was a huge help when he wasn't working but he worked full-time and extended hours somedays.
I had to motivate myself, I couldn't let a difficult task bring me down after all these were my children and I needed to be the best mom I could be for them, I tried to be positive and deal with these behaviors the best I knew how. I tried to live a more structured life with some sort of routine that would help pass the day by and keep Armanno occupied.
I started taking an extra long route to the park! I wrapped the baby on my front and pushed Armanno in the stroller and walked everyday I could. Armanno loved the stroller and the park so it really broke up our day and helped me to stay positive. Then everything changed, time went by and Emilio was now 5 months and Julianno applied for a job in the city, which was great because it meant being closer to family and a better job within the military for our family. The only drawback was I would stay behind with the kids until we sold the house, at the time we thought it wouldn't take long, a few months at the most. I can do this I thought, I just have to mentally prepare myself and stay busy. Military wives do this all the time, I certainly wouldn't be the first and besides I had to count myself lucky, at least my husband wasn't off to war! he was going to be home every other weekend if not every weekend he wasn't working.
I started back to playgroups and I was able to do programs at my local resource centre where I could send Armanno upstairs to child care which I called playgroup he looked forward to playgroup and it was a much needed break for me and the baby. Time went on and so did his behaviors, just when I thought it couldn't get much more difficult than this, it did. The child care, "playgroup for Armanno", which was supposed to be a break for me became a source of stress. Armanno's behaviors began extending into the child care and each time I went upstairs to get him I would be faced with the offside "talks" from the teachers, while all the other moms went on their ways without any issues! I attributed it to the fact that his dad was away and he wasn't dealing so well. I'm not sure they were convinced or maybe they could pick up on the fact that I myself wasn't convinced this was the problem, sure it added to it but there had to be more to this!
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